


Light, Dark, and Learning

by Cruisinwritealong



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Family Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 16:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16067060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cruisinwritealong/pseuds/Cruisinwritealong
Summary: Its Sirius' first summer break living with the Potters. He's finally moving on from the Black household of darkness, but he needs his new family to show him a lighter path and remind him who he really is.Update 10/16: “The Time We Were Us” is a continuation of this storyline from Remus’ POV. Happy Reading!





	Light, Dark, and Learning

James and Sirius sat at the Potter’s table finishing the last bites of their breakfast even though it was more brunch at this point since they had slept late and it was after ten in the morning. Sirius drained the last of his orange juice and slammed his empty cup on the table making James jump.

“Okaaay... What _now_ Padfoot!?” James was exasperated with him by this point and summer had barely begun.

“Three weeks Prongs! Three weeks, four days, and a breakfast since he’s talked to me. …Eleven letters. I sent his favorite chocolates…Twice!”

“Yes I know that Pad-“

“What am I going to do!?” Sirius’ rant descended into despair.

He flung his elbows on the table and dropped his head into his hands letting his hair close around him like a curtain. He sat and breathed quickly and deeply trying to get a hold of his swirling emotions.

His thoughts raced,  _Im such a fuck up... Fuck I’ve really done it this time. I’ve really lost him... He hates me now... Fuck I miss him... oh god... ...Moony._

“I feel sick James.”

When there was no answer from James, Sirius looked up, taken aback to see Mrs. Potter sit gracefully in James’s emptied chair. He watched as his best friend slipped out of the room after a nod from his mother.

“Sirius darling, I know how deeply you trust James, but perhaps, I can help here?”

She spoke slow and soft. She met his eyes, genuinely asking if he wanted to talk and waited for his answer. She didn't dismiss his dramatics or look at him as an obligation to be dealt with and Sirius loved her a little more for that. Her kindness empowered him to open up and speak truthfully.

“It’s just… I um, I hurt someone. Deeply. A-And... I didn’t mean to. I guess I didn’t think it through and now...I...he,” he started his story but quickly felt tangled and uncertain of his words.

He took a deep breath. _I'm safe here_ , he reminded himself, _I'm safe_. He breathed deeply and plowed ahead. “I hurt someone that I, that I l-love. … and ... I just don’t know _how,_ how could I? I mean, who even does that!? HOW COULD I DO THAT!?”

He jumped from his chair as if he could physically run from his thoughts. Then something snapped inside of him. An internal dam broke open and his words poured out of him like a faucet without him understanding how. He began pacing the kitchen, arms flailing and thoughts screaming.

“Who could betray the person who means the most to them? How could I just, just smash his trust like that? I didn’t think! I didn’t stop! Ha ha ha watch me be a big shot! Arrogant git that I am. I was so consumed with putting stupid Snivillus in his place that I didn’t even consider what would happen! I’m such a low life shit it didn’t even occur to me what he would feel. I completely forgot about someone I claim to love!? I mean, who the hell does that? Who _could_ do that!? Oh, I’ll tell you who. Them!” He pointed out to no one. “Blacks!” He stabbed at the air. “ME!!” He flung his arms out wide.

He panted. He waited for her to stop him or correct him or yell or ...Something.

Nothing came. She simply folded her hands on the table and sat patiently with a soft, slightly sad expression.

”Now you know,” he mumbled and dropped his arms. “Now you know the real me.”

He slumped back down into his chair as the weight of the deeper fear came to light.

“They were right,” he whispered and squeezed his eyes closed against his worst fear. “They were right and I am just like them.”

He opened his eyes but spoke to the floor, “I’m a Black! I’m full of all that dark shit and now I’ve proven it. Now you know. And h-he knows. Now everyone knows what a Shit I am! And now… n-now…”

Sirius swallowed deeply and sat up straighter as it became clear to him what he must do. All his vulnerability was quickly shoved down, and he slammed a lid over his emotions.

He made a decision rapidly, turned a neutral face to Euphemia and spoke over-politely, “Mrs. Potter, you don’t need someone like me around here. I’m a nuisance and I’m no good for any of you. I’m sorry for getting in the way. Thank you for your hospitality. I’ll-I’ll go. I will pack my things and be out of your way toda-“

“Stop." She said incredulously and making Sirius jump. "Please stop all of _that_ nonsense. And please don’t shut me out, Sirius,” she said. She was calm but firm, and he had no idea what to do.

He sat there tangled in a knot of contradicting feelings, caught between the instinct to protect himself and the deep, deep desire to no longer fight this alone.

“Listen to me young man, you can be as angry as you need to be, lord knows you have reasons. You can yell and cry and break things as you see fit, but you will _not_ refer to yourself as ‘in the way’ ever again. We are a Family and You belong here. Do you understand me?”

Sirius had never seen that look on her face before. Her eyes were teared up and there was a fierceness to her body language that left him speechless and a bit on his heels. He was not scared though. He felt… what? He searched. Loved? Protected? He felt ...Nurtured?

Mothered??

 _Mothered_. And his whole world stopped.

“You are part of this family and you are safe. Do you understand me?” Her tone had softened but her look was expectant.

“Yes Ma’am,” he said with downcast eyes, unsure of how to take in all that she was saying to him. ‘You are safe’ was like a mantra to him now. The Potters said it to him with such frequency that he felt its truth. But this was different. This was more.

“And,” her gentle hand lifted his head, “No more of this ‘Mrs. Potter,’ hmm? No son of mine calls me Mrs. Potter. The nerve.” She looked away with a playful huff.

Sirius was awestruck. He blinked owlishly and his mouth smiled a bit without his permission.

She raised her eyebrows and a gave him an encouraging nod, expecting him to speak.

“M-Mom. Yes Mom.” The words were like trying on a new pair of shoes. They fit but he knew it would take more time for them to become comfortable and second nature.

“Better. Now,” she took a deep breath and said, “Darling, the world isn’t divided into Aurors and Azkaban. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us, alright? What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”

“But, yes! See I chose-“ Sirius started to fight back but she was having none of it.

“Aaand, when we make a choice that causes us or others to grieve, we can know that _that_ is not who we want to be. All we can do is own our actions, apologize where needed, and make a wiser choice the next time.”

She waited until he met her eyes and then reached out and took his hands in hers.

Gentle. She was always so gentle with him. It made him break and feel like he could fly at the same time.

A wave of realization washed over him - he could soar, because he was not alone. His family, his _Mom_ would be there.

_His Mom. Holy shit._

“Sirius,” her voice refocused him. “Remus is hurting and he needs time, but I know he cares deeply for you. I know he will find his way back to you.”

“How-How did you know!?”

“Oh, I see how it is! Marauders are the only ones who know things!?” She said playfully. “You think I haven’t noticed the way you two watch each other? How you’re always inching just a bit closer? Or those oh-so-sneaky hands holding tight under my dinner table when he visits? Hmm?”

Sirius narrowed his eyes in suspicion, “James told you?”

She frowned. “Alright, James told me. But! I did see you staring a hole through his beanie when you thought no one was looking. And he does sit closest always to you!”

Their laughter broke through the heaviness in the room like sun rays streaming out of rain clouds.

When they caught their breaths, she patted his hand and they stood. Mrs. Potter hugged her second son and he took a deep, full breath in and out wrapped in her embrace.

“Write him again Darling.”

“Yes Mom.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcomed. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Update 10/16: “The Time We Were Us” is a continuation of this storyline from Remus’ POV. Happy Reading!


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